Monday, September 30, 2013

5 Reasons Why Dogs are Better Than Kids


Yep, you read that title right. We are going to talk about why dogs are better than kids. Now don't get me wrong, I love my step-kids, but the dogs have been around a lot longer. And before you all gasp and going and get all judgy judgy on me, let me just say, if you are going to take issue with me comparing kids to dogs, just stop reading here. Also, if you're one of those who are going to say, "but kids are a joy like no other" or "you don't know how perfect life is until you push a watermelon out of your vajay and become a real mom", please, for the love of Pete, don't read on. Just seriously, click the x button. 

Now that those people are gone, I'm assuming everyone else here has a sense of humor, so lets begin, shall we?

1. Dogs don't talk. Really, I believe this one is probably self explanatory. Dogs can't ask me for the one millionth time what time it is. They don't pester me starting at 3:30 on what's for dinner. They don't scream and yell at one another when one borrows the others socks without asking. They don't complain and gripe about, well, about everything. Occasionally they bark at something outside. Maybe a few howls here and there. But during the day, when it's just us at home, it's peace and quiet. 

2. Dogs appreciate the small things. Well, anything really. If only we could all have the joy that my LuLu Belle has by simply going on a car ride. My dogs are happy with a pat on the head, a treat, a walk or just talking baby talk to them. They aren't always asking for something. Just some food and water and they are cool. There is never any "really Mom, I mean, thanks for the dog food, but what I really wanted was steak" They are just happy with what they get. Shouldn't we all be that way?

3. Dogs don't have homework. Or go to school at all. This means that they sleep in. It also means you don't have to yell and nag at them continuously about studying or getting homework done. There is no progress report or report card to bring home, so that more yelling can ensue. I don't lay awake at night praying they can pass the STARR test and get out of high school. I don't have to lecture the dogs on the importance of grades and education in regards to their future. 

4. Two words - unconditional love. These guys love me no matter what. Even if I do have to yell at one for tearing open the garbage and eating week old food, she's right there with a smile on her face and still loves me. They don't care when I have a bad day. They don't remember when I mess up and bring it up over and over and over again. If I tell them no I don't have to contend with slammed doors and bad attitudes. They don't roll their eyes and I've never heard them utter a bad word. 

5. They have no life, which means, I don't have to live my life according to them. We chill when we want to chill and we go when we want to go. There are no after school practices, games, church events, school activities that rule our schedule. We just do whatever the hell we want - when we want. We aren't slaves to any kind of schedule or calendar. 

I could probably do more than five. I mean, they are great crumb cleaners (truly, our chihuahua gets on the dining room table and licks up the crumbs). They are a security system, as they don't let anyone in the house they don't know. And I never have to tell them to clean their room! 

I mean, look at these faces! 


And in case you were wondering, we have 4 dogs now! Yep, we are those people.

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